


The Best Kind of Manhunt

by thirdtimecharmed



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Alcohol, F/F, F/M, I'm not sure how much I can call this an AU, It's still in the D&D verse but none of the balance arc stuff has happened, M/M, Mardi Gras, Mild Language, Restaurants
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-02
Updated: 2018-07-16
Packaged: 2019-05-17 11:37:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 6,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14831549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thirdtimecharmed/pseuds/thirdtimecharmed
Summary: Taako LOVES fantasy Mardi Gras. He'd love it even more if he could track down that incredibly attractive man in the skull mask...





	1. Mystery Man

**Author's Note:**

> Most tagged relationships are not the focus, but are background. Julia's alive because I say so. This is absolutely just a fun fluffy fic, so don't worry about any feels trains.

Taako fucking _LOVED_ Fantasy Mardi Gras.

A city-wide party, with colors and costumes and food. What wasn’t glitter was feathers, and what wasn’t glitter or feathers was as much nudity as people could get away with. There wasn’t a single dull moment: everywhere someone was dancing, music was playing, flasks were passed around.

He couldn’t even bring himself to be annoyed that he had to work the family restaurant almost all day.

“Lup, I’ve got six plates ready to go, and if people eat cold food because you’re sucking face with Barold, it’s your tips on the line,” he called out.

Thirty seconds and several hushed whispers and clatters later, Lup emerged from the stockroom, smoothing down her apron haughtily.

“Is this all the thanks I get for covering for you while you and Greg Grimaldis hit second base last week?” she asked, loading the plates onto her tray.

“You don’t get any credit for that, because I was helping you get that fifteen dollars back,” he reminded her, expertly flipping beignets over in the fryer. Lup stuck her tongue out at him, and put on her customer face.

Thirty seconds later, Barry Bluejeans sheepishly peeked his head out.

“Hey, Taako, you know Lup and I were just--” he started.

“Sucking face, yes I’m aware,” Taako answered, rolling his eyes and adding a garnish to a dish of gumbo. “You’ve got more people to seat,” he added, nodding towards the front, and Barry hustled out to greet them and inform them that yes there would be a 45 minute wait for a table. The restaurant had only opened half an hour ago, but Taako suspected it was going to be packed all day.

-

The restaurant was packed all day. Or at least, it had been packed since they opened to the public all the way up to Taako’s much-needed midafternoon break.

Taako slumped into one of the plastic garden chairs they kept in the alley behind the shop, and pulled out his phone to see what his immeasurably luckier friends were up to. He had approximately one billion notifications, most of them blurry selfies and group photos.  
  
Julia sitting on Magnus’ shoulders, resting a drink on his head. Sloane at the wheel of a golf cart with Hurley sitting on the top, throwing candy. A video of Killian winning a pushup contest with Carrie perched on her back. Merle double-fisting drinks with several leis wrapped around his neck. Lucretia looking completely deadpan while covered with glitter and drinking something out of a coconut with a straw. Taako was about to send back a self deprecating selfie featuring his very stained apron when the hottest guy he’d ever seen hopped the fence into the alley.  

Taako had never been speechless before in his life. The mysterious stranger was shirtless, but wearing an honest-to-gods cloak, and a half skull mask. His long locs were tied back in a ponytail. He was wearing a top hat and gloves. How it was possible to be attractive with half your face covered, Taako didn’t know, and he didn’t care.

Mysterious Stranger, probably mistaking Taako’s ogling as accusatory, began shuffling sideways towards the packed street, avoiding eye contact. 

“I’m… I ah… excuse me, I’m… let me just…” he continued to hedge, eyes darting between his feet and the opening to the alley. Taako’s dumbfounded gaze followed him until he disappeared into the crowd.

It took a moment before Taako regained control over his higher brain functions. The first words out of his mouth were a much-belated “can I have your number?” 

-

“So let me get this straight,” Lup said through a mouthful of shrimp and rice, “You need my help finding, and I quote, ‘the hottest guy you’ve ever seen who looks like a combination of Michael B Jordan and Lenny Kravitz’ who is dressed up as _Baron Samedi_ on _Fantasy Mardi Gras._ ”

“Exactly,” Taako replied, steepling his fingers together, determinedly, “I think between the three of us we can cover the whole city in a few hours.”

Very gently, and remembering the hostage negotiator’s tactics from last night’s Criminal Minds binge, Lup said, “You know you’re my brother and I love you dearly, but I am not closing the restaurant to help you comb Neverwinter for your latest crush.”

Taako deflated, but Lup continued.

“What I will do, because you’re my brother and I love you dearly, is take over running it with Barry, and give you the afternoon off.”

Taako was torn between wanting to quip about what ‘running it with Barry’ was likely to mean and acknowledging that this was likely the greatest act of kindness he’d ever been shown in his life. The quip won.

“Ah yes, the grand sacrifice of getting paid to flirt with your boyfriend all day. What a gift you’ve given me LuLu, truly I’m eternally grateful-”

He’s cut off by a mostly good natured shove from his sister.

“Don’t test my generosity, Koko,” she warns, “Now go out there and find your boy!”

Taako didn’t need to be told twice. He’s out the door and on the phone with-- fuck.

He’s going to have to call Angus.


	2. In Which Kravitz Feels Like An Idiot and Wiser Heads are Consulted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Had to give Kravitz a voice too. And some meddling friends. Taako can't be the only one with meddling friends.

Kravitz really, really, hadn’t meant to run into anyone. In fact, he had taken that particular shortcut in order to avoid running into anyone. Partly because he was still a little awkward in costume, as much as Raven and Noelle had cooed over it and assured him how handsome he looked. Partly to avoid the throngs of people that always choked the streets and made him feel cramped and nervous. Partly because he was running very, very late to assist with the float. 

“There you are,” Raven said imperiously, perched atop her throne at the apex of the float. Her short, dark hair was interwoven with iridescent feathers. Her dress, if one could call it that, was black in perfect stillness, but in the sunshine and movement of Mardi Gras it threw out a thousand colors. 

Noelle, from behind Raven’s throne, rolled her eyes fondly, and Kravitz stifled a smile. Noelle was all chrome, body paint and spandex. The three of them were certainly eye catching, and Kravitz reminded himself to write a thorough thank-you note to Istis, their costume designer at the Neverwinter Theater.

“Apologies, my Queen,” Kravitz drawled, affecting a British accent because why not, “I ran into-”  
  
He was going to say traffic, but despite being an actor, he’s a terrible liar in person. “I left the house late and saw a very attractive elf in a back alley,” he admitted instead, burying his face in both hands. “He looked at me like I’d grown an extra head and then I was too afraid to take any more shortcuts.”

He wasn’t looking, because his face was still in his hands, but he could hear the amused smile passing between Raven and Noelle.

“How was he looking at you, sugar?” Noelle prompted, biting her lip to hold back a smile. “Like… afraid?”

“No,” Kravitz sighed, not seeing the knowing look on his friends’ faces, “Like disgusted,”

“Krav,” added Raven, “Do you remember Lucas?”  
  
“And Brian?” chirped Noelle.

“And how you thought they were afraid of you too, but really they were just super into you and too shy to talk?” Raven continued, coaxingly.

Kravitz’s eyes narrowed behind his mask and his mouth flattened into an unamused line. This wasn’t his first rodeo.

“You two are not going to try to set me up with some random handsome stranger just because they looked at me,” he said, flatly. He had read somewhere that words could shape reality, so he figured it was at least worth a try.

“Kravitz,” Raven said, as seriously as she could muster, “we absolutely are.”

Noelle burst out laughing, and high-fived Raven as Kravitz groaned and put his head back in his hands.

“Don’t worry,” Raven smiled sanctimoniously down at him, “You get a brief reprieve because it’s time to get this party on the road!”

Noelle cheered and Kravitz grinned as  their float rumbled and whirred to life beneath their feet, magically enchanted to follow the float ahead at the right pace. The moment they hit the crowds, any personal thoughts were lost as the three actors did what they did best, and tried to at least pretend that their aiming of beads and candies was passable.

-

Angus picked up the phone right away, because of course he fucking did.  
  
“Hello sir!” he said, sounding surprised, “I thought you were working all day today.”   
  
“I was,” Taako said, “Look, Ango, pumpkin, babe, best boy detective in the world…”

“I’m just the best detective,” Angus reminded him, “The boy part is unnecessary.” 

“Of course, yes, best detective, definitely that. Look, doll, I need a favor.”  
  
“A favor? From me? What is it sir? I’ll do my best!” Angus answered eagerly. Taako had figured that this would be an easy sell, since his protege basically worshipped the ground he walked on, but he still sighed, relieved.

“Say I needed help tracking someone down…” he began, and filled Angus in on the details of their meeting, trying not to gush too terribly hard about how handsome this stranger was. A ten-year-old didn’t need to know the extent of Taako’s thirst.

“Well, first of all sir, almost everyone is in a costume right now. Also, why do you need to find this person so badly? Did they do a crime?” Angus asked.

“No, no crime. Just a person who I might, sort of, be a little interested in seeing, again, so I could speak to them. Just a casual, Taako-wants-to-find-a-person situation we’ve got going on. The usual.”

“I understand, sir,” Angus said, and Taako can tell through the phone that Angus knows exactly what’s going on and is too polite to say anything about it.

“So Ango, what’s your advice?”

“Well sir, if he was in a costume but didn’t seem like he was here to spectate, he may be in a parade! Even on a float! I’ll keep an eye out with my grandfather, we’re watching from the balcony. There might be other parades, though,” Angus reflected. Taako nodded, even though Angus couldn’t see him.

“Thanks babe, I’ll get the whole gang in on it.”

“I hope you find him sir!” Angus answered, and Taako hung up.

Damn it.

This was going to require involving his friends in his love life.


	3. The Best Recon Team

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the gang splits up to look for clues

“Shhh! Everyone! Taako’s calling!!” Magnus cried, using one arm to keep Julia’s legs in place on his shoulders and the other to fish his phone out of his pocket.

“Didn’t he have work all day?” Killian asked before she was aggressively shushed by Magnus.

“Taako!” he answered the phone gleefully, “Didn’t you work today?”

“Put him on speaker!” Merle called out, to a chorus of agreement from the crew.

Magnus obliged, so everyone got to hear Taako explain that Lup gave him the day off to chase after a hot guy.

“And I know you’re all looking at each other like its fucking gay christmas morning, so don’t even pretend you aren’t,” he finished, his voice tinny over the phone. Before anyone could squeak out a delighted sound, they heard Taako take a deep breath and add… “I need your help.”

“Taako,” Carey said, having somehow snatched Magnus’ phone from his hand, “we will abso-fucking-LUTELY help you find your hot boy.” Her voice dripped with intensity.

“Hell fucking yeah babes,” Taako said, and everyone could hear the relief in his voice and pretended not to notice, “Tell me where y’all are at and I’ll see you there amigos.”

-

“Alright, so here’s the plan,” Taako began, spreading his hands wide to set the stage. He’d considered standing on a chair out on the patio of Refuge, but decided against risking property damage and Ren’s wrath. The whole gang was in business mode, inasmuch as eight tipsy dorks wearing more glitter than fabric could seem businesslike. They were all focused on Taako and not riffing off of each other, which was all Taako could really ask.

“Hurley, Sloane,” he pointed at them, “Are you legally allowed to operate that golf cart?”

Hurley and Sloane looked at each other, then around the circle of their friends, then over their shoulders, and finally they managed to face Taako again.

“It’s... not _il_ -legal… for Sloane to drive… _a_ golf cart,” Hurley said, choosing her words carefully.

“That’s all I needed to hear,” Taako grinned, “You’re on parade perimeters. Starts, ends. Cover as much ground as you can. Sound good?”

Sloane grinned, and pointed two finger guns at Taako.

“You can count on us,” she assured him, wiggling her eyebrows and jingling what were hopefully her keys to her golf cart.

“Great. Killian, Carey?”

“Team Sick Flips?!” Carey asked, bouncing up and down in her seat.

“What? No, we’re on a recon mission not robbing a bank. Relax, Catherine Zeta.”  
  
Carey visibly deflated.

“Can I at least do some handstands?”

“Sure, whatever, do as many handstands as you want. You guys work the crowds, ask around, see if anyone knows anything about this guy.”

“Excellent,” Killian said.

“Lucretia? Jules?” Taako continued, “We need some HBICs.”

Lucretia slipped her sunglasses down the bridge of her nose to look at Taako, but couldn’t keep her expression arctic after Julia started cracking up.

“Taako,” Julia said, taking Taako’s hand in two of her own while failing to keep a straight face, “We will be the H-est B’s you’ve ever left IC.”

Taako looked solemnly back at her, nodded, and said “I know.”

“What about us?” Magnus asked, looking a little forlorn at having to leave Julia to enjoy shade and endless drinks with Lucretia. Taako freed his hand from Julia’s, and threw his arms around Merle and Magnus’ shoulders.

“Tres Horny Boys are back, baby!”


	4. Maybe the Real Hot Guy is the Friends we Made Along the Way

Hurley to MoonBaseBros

_ Hell on Wheels to Moonbase, this is Hell on Wheels to Moonbase, over.  _

 

Julia to MoonBaseBros

_ This is Moonbase, what’s your position, over? _

 

Killian to MoonBaseBros

_ We do all know that this is a group text and not a radio frequency, right? _

 

Hurley to MoonBaseBros

_ Hell on Wheels, coming in from the end of the parade route. No sightings of HotGuy. Seeking new instructions. Over.  _

 

Carey to MoonBaseBros

_ We haven’t heard anything either.  _

_ Actually that’s a lie.  _

_ We’ve heard a LOT of things about a LOT of the same costume.  _

_ Apparently there are a lot of handsome guys around here _

_ Who knew? _

 

Taako to MoonBaseBros

_ Definitely not you lmfao _

_ Why am I only friends with useless lesbians _

 

Julia to MoonBaseBros

_ Excuse you you’re friends with some useless bi people too _

 

Taako to MoonBaseBros

_ Jules Magnus’ phone died but he said to say “hell yeah”  _

_ Your supportive relationship makes me gag _

_ Get a room _

 

Lucretia to MoonBaseBros

_ Oh my god right all she’s been talking about are names for their future pets _

_ I’m too drunk for this _

_ Also Taako are we still supposed to be looking for this guy or do we all get to give up and party now…? _

 

Lup to MoonBaseBros

_ OK I get that all of you are off on a fun mission but some of us are at work _

_ My phone fucking buzzed itself off the counter _

_ If my screen cracks I’m making you all chip in to fix it _

 

Taako to MoonBaseBros

_ Lup your phone has been cracked for like three months _

_ Stop trying to con our friends _

_ Also y’all can tap out anytime _

_ This was always kind of a long shot _

 

Hurley to MoonBaseBros

_ None of you want to play detectives with me and that makes me sad _

_ But Sloane and I will do another lap and then uh _

_ Put the golf cart where it goes _

_ In a very legal manner _

_ And meet you back at Refuge _

_ Lucretia Sloane wants you to order her, quote, “something that’ll knock her over” _

 

Lucretia to MoonBaseBros

_ I will not shirk my duty _

 

Merle to MoonBaseBros

_ Haha Lucretia said ‘doody’ _

 

Killian to MoonBaseBros

_ Don’t worry Lucretia Carey and I will come back and punch Merle 4 u when we all get there _

 

Barry to MoonBaseBros

_ Guys you’re never going to believe this _

-

Morale on the float was waning. 

Not that anyone would let it show, of course. Raven was still twirling majestically, letting her dress catch the light. Noelle was grinning widely and throwing candy, beads, and leaflets advertising their performance schedule for the year. Tired as he was, Kravitz enjoyed his role the most. It was about time to run another loop of it, in fact. 

Catching Raven’s eye, he jerked his thumb over his shoulder and she nodded ever-so-slightly. Then, as far as onlookers were concerned, Kravitz disappeared from the float. 

What actually happened was Kravitz dropping himself flat, covering himself with his cloak and blending in with the raised floor of the float. He waited a few moments for the float to move forward, and then rolled off of it and went to hide himself in the crowd. Then the fun part started. 

Kravitz twirled his way through the crowd, tapping people on their shoulders and disappearing on the opposite side, making sure the only thing people saw of him was his cloak disappearing behind another person. He winked at people through his half-mask, stole sips of people’s drinks, and made sure to keep an eye on the float. 

“Baron Saturday,” Raven’s voice boomed, and Kravitz turned on his heel to dart towards the float. He jumped onto it from a run, did a carefully rehearsed tumble, and wound up kneeling in front of Raven, to the delighted cheers of the crowd. 

Kravitz was sweaty, and panting, but he grinned and waved, bowing dramatically in all directions. There was only another hour until the end of the parade route. 

-

It was a long, long hour. Raven was almost certainly sunburnt. Half of Noelle’s chrome makeup had sweated off. Kravitz was worn out. They were all also  _ very  _ hungry. 

“What’s close… thank  you so much, ugh what’s close,” Raven mused, pausing to thank a passerby for the compliment on her costume. 

“Here,” Noelle exclaimed, hitting Kravitz’s arm with the back of her hand, “There, food. Food is there. There is food there.” 

The restaurant looked packed, but everywhere was going to be packed. Above the door was a neon sign that simply said “Sizzle.” 

They walked through the door, sighing in relief at the air conditioning, and asked the worn-out looking host for a table for three. Instead of doing anything resembling his job, he patted around his workstation for his phone, not breaking eye contact with Kravitz, of all people. 

Through his haze, Kravitz realized how close he was to the alleyway he’d been regretting taking all day. Shit. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing that group chat is so fun, I could do it forever. Also, we're nearing some kind of ending so enjoy some dramatic irony :)


	5. Ships on a Collision Course

“I swear I didn’t mean to trespass, it was just on my way, and I didn’t mean to freak out your waiter, and I swear I won’t do it again, I’ll just leave I guess, please apologize for me, I’m so so sorry,” Kravitz stammered out, wide-eyed. Barry’s equally wide-eyed and unbroken stare as he typed something into his phone wasn’t doing anything to put him at ease. Kravitz could feel Raven and Noelle making confused eye contact at each other behind his back, and he wasn’t in the mood for in depth explanations, so he simply turned on his heel and walked towards the exit, continuing to apologize. 

“No, wait! Wait! Uh.. please wait?” Barry said, waving one hand out, “No-one’s mad at you, I promise. I’m sorry I was staring. You said table for three?

Kravitz could only stare confusedly at Barry as he grabbed menus and did all the things Kravitz had expected him to do in the first place. To their infinite credit, Noelle and Raven waited until Barry had walked away before they turned to Kravitz with almost identical questioning expressions. He sighed. 

“Remember the idiot moment I told you about? Pretty sure it happened right behind this restaurant.” 

“The idiot moment involving a very handsome elf-?” Noelle was halfway through asking him when Kravitz’s heart briefly seized as the elf approached their table. Except it wasn’t him. Kravitz realized he was staring inappropriately and awkwardly looked back down at his menu.

“Hi, I’m Lup, I’ll be your waitress tonight, also your costumes are fantastic,” she drawled. If Kravitz had been able to stop dying of embarrassment, he would have noticed Lup giving him an un-subtle examination, nodding to herself, and then putting her customer service face back on. 

“Thanks!” Noelle said, grinning, “We’re actors at the Neverwinter theater, so we had a bit of an advantage.”   
  
They fell into easy conversation, and Kravitz continued to wish that he could open up a portal and disappear into another dimension. Through some miracle he was able to mumble out a request for water. When Lup was pulled over to another table, he held up a hand to stop Raven and Noelle from interrogating him. 

“I appreciate your friendship and support,” he said, “but I really just want to eat, go home, and then die of shame.” 

“No dying allowed,” Raven said, and took a sip of lemonade, “but alright. We’ll cut you some slack. Do you think we’ll get more seats filled since we did a float this year?”

“We’d better,” Kravitz answered, relaxing microscopically, “I didn’t spend all day doing a gymnastics routine just for people to keep ignoring us.” 

“I passed out as many flyers as I could,” Noelle added, and a conversation about their upcoming season, likely castings, and the relative popularity of shows ensued. By the time Lup came back with their drinks and to take their order, Kravitz was composed enough to look her in the eyes. 

Despite only seeing him for a minute, the face of the handsome elf from before had taunted him all day, and Kravitz was struck by the similarity. He decided to himself that Lup must be related somehow. Maybe this was a family restaurant, he thought, and found himself wondering about what their days were like, how the food was. Did he and Lup like working here? 

He was startled from his reverie when the elf in question stormed through the door followed by a huge gaggle of friends, and yelled at the top of his lungs “Lulu, you’d better not be fucking with me!” 

 

-

 

Barry to  _ MoonBaseBros _

Taako you’re looking for a guy in a skull mask?

Who looks like… Michael Jackson?

 

Lup to  _ MoonBaseBros  _

Babe I love you but oh my god that’s not what he said

He said Michael B Jordan and Lenny Kravitz

And he’s definitely in the restaurant right now

 

Julia to  _ MoonBaseBros _

He told us he looked like Idris Elba crossed with Jason Momoa

 

Taako to  _ MoonBaseBros _

Oh my GOD does it matter

Lup are you positive?????

 

Lup to  _ MoonBaseBros _

I would never lie to you

 

Taako to  _ MoonBaseBros _

This morning you told me you didn’t know where my red hoop earrings were

While wearing them

 

Lup to  _ MoonBaseBros _

I would never lie to you about anything important

Now are you going to come smooch this guy or what?

 

Hurley to  _ MoonBaseBros _

Don’t worry, we’re all on the way ;)

 

-

 

In retrospect, Taako realized, yelling at the top of his lungs in a crowded restaurant might not’ve been the best way to make a first impression. He also realized that a fleeting realization of physical attractiveness might not have been worth a citywide search party. He realized that he knew next to nothing about the guy besides how he looked. He realized he looked like not only an idiot who just stares at strangers, but now also an idiot that disturbs everyone’s dinner. The eyes of just about everyone in the restaurant pierced him accusingly. 

Okay, time to spin this. He wasn’t some idiot, he was  _ Taako.  _

“Those kittens you told me about better be adorable!” he continued at full volume. 

Fortunately for Taako, his sister could always tell when he was spiralling, and she whisked him away to the back after telling their friends that the usual corner booth was all theirs. Behind them, typical restaurant chatter resumed, much to Taako’s relief. 

“Christ, Lu, how much of an idiot did I just make of myself?” he asked, sitting on a crate of straws with his head in his hands. Lup shrugged.

“No more so than usual,” she said, “Don’t worry. Hot stuff out there is just as embarrassed as you are.”

“Well at least we have something in common,” Taako groused, “what do I do?”

“Uh, go tell the hot guy your name and number?” Lup suggested casually, examining her nail beds. 

“That’s rich coming from the girl who failed to ask out Barry “smitten” Bluejeans sixty-seven times.” 

“Well here’s your chance to try and be better than me,” Lup grinned. Taako sighed. 

“You’re right. Savor those words, because you will never hear them again, but you’re right.” 

With the air of a man walking into battle, Taako stood, straightened his clothes, fixed his hair, and marched out of the back room straight to the extra chair at Kravitz’s table. Deliberately peeking up through his eyelashes at the person he’d been stalking all day, he sounded much suaver than he felt when he asked: 

“So, come here often?”


	6. Will They/Won't They

Kravitz was staring silently again. He wasn’t talking, just gaping at the elf who had captivated his thoughts and turned his friends against him all day. He could be saying witty, charming things and asking for his number. Why wasn’t he talking, oh my god, he was just cursed to forever ogle handsome strangers and never open his-

He was shocked out of his spiral by two well-aimed kicks to his shin. 

“Owwwaaahhhh, no, uh, this is my first time here,” he managed to stammer out, making a mental note to use Raven’s number to sign up for ‘daily bird facts’ in revenge. Another, gentler kick prompted him to continue, “But I’m open to coming back.”

For a fleeting second, Kravitz thought he saw a fond smile flash across the not-really-a-stranger’s face before it was replaced by a much more manufactured sly grin. 

“Well I’ll try real hard not to scare you away then, pumpkin. I’d hate to lose the chance to get to know the man behind the mask.” 

Kravitz felt like everyone in the restaurant was staring at them. They weren’t, but Raven and Noelle were making up for everyone else’s lack of interest. (Unbeknownst to Kravitz, there was also a corner table very un-subtly watching and providing color commentary. This included Lup, who had completely abandoned all of her tables for the moment to watch over her brother). 

“How about my name to start with?” he said, extending a hand, “Kravitz.”

“Just Kravitz?” the elf answered, taking his hand and giving it a surprisingly firm shake. 

“Just Kravitz,” he confirmed, smiling, “How about you?”

“Oh, I’m Taako. You know, from TV?”

Kravitz’s brow furrowed, trying to think back to the last time he’d watched anything on TV, or even overheard people discussing TV. 

“You’re on TV?”

“Oh. Uh… no. It’s aspirational,” Taako grinned, “I do have a fantasy YouTube channel though. Sizzle it up. Check me there,” and he finished up with another wink, “I’ll let y’all get back to your food, if my sister can tear herself away from the gossip train long enough to DO HER JOB.” 

Taako yelled the last part of his goodbye at his sister, who was midway through saying something about “only one name, just like Beyonce, who is this guy!?” 

She flipped him off and ran to check orders that were up, and Taako disappeared back into the kitchen before Kravitz could squeeze out another word. 

This was either how flirting worked, or a really long con to self-promote a fantasy YouTube channel. Kravitz’s reverie was interrupted before it could truly begin by Noelle. 

“Honey if you don’t give him your number, I will.” 

“You’ll give him your number? I thought you were seeing-”

“Don’t play dumb Krav, it’s a bad look on you. Wrap it around a hearty tip and it’ll work like a charm.” 

“I don’t want to bribe someone into dating me….” 

“Kravitz.” Raven’s head was in her hands, “No bribery will be required.” 

-

Meanwhile, in the restaurant kitchen, Taako was in full freak-out mode.   
  
“Lulu you better remember which orders were theirs, I’m going to make everything and it’s going to be perfect, did you say he’s an actor? Like, what? How perfect is this guy I can’t fuck this up.”

“Taako, if your impeccable charm and might I say fabulous looks don’t win him over, I don’t think he’s worth seducing with cooking,” Lup cut in, taking fresh plates off to the table that was waiting. Taako could never decide if Lup was a terrible waitress or not. She tended to abandon tables mid-order to talk to their friends, but she had a mind like a bank vault and could pick back up immediately once she’d taken care of personal matters. He shrugged to himself. The place wouldn’t be the same without her, and he had dishes to prepare to perfection. 

-

“I’m just saying, Taako’s not one to play coy,” Hurley said after a sip of Jack and Coke, “I’d put money on them being liplocked in the back alley after close tonight.”   
  
“Money, you say,” Magnus said as a slow grin crept across his face, “What do you think, Jules? Remember how long it took Lup to ask out Barry? I bet they awkwardly flirt for at least a week.”

“You can throw our money away on that bet if you want, but I’m with Hurley,” Julia replied. 

“Hey, no fixing the game by hedging your bets,” Lucretia warned, pointing a finger between Magnus and Julia. 

“Fiiiiiiiine,” Julia sighed, “I’ll split the difference. Three days of awkward flirting. Fair?” she asked Lucretia, who nodded as she took a swig of her gin and tonic. 

“Alright, so final count is: Killian with five dollars on a rom-com compliments to the chef scenario, Carey with five on both of them giving each other their numbers tonight and hooking up tomorrow, Sloane and Hurley both put five on a makeout by the end of the night, Magnus with five on at least a week of awkward flirting, and Julia with three days. Sound right?”

“Oooh, are we taking bets?” Lup chimed in, delivering their food, “I’ve got three orders of Poutine a la Taako and five dollars to put on Taako jumping that guy’s bones before he even takes a bite. I have never seen him this worked up about a guy before.” 

Lucretia took down Lup’s contribution as everyone else erupted into outrage. 

“What, so we can’t hedge our bets but Taako’s twin sister gets a say? Isn’t that insider trading or something?” Julia objected. 

“Lup can’t bet, she can cheat and get Taako to do things her way!” Sloane protested. 

“If you think I can convince Taako to do anything, you haven’t known us long enough,” Lup replied, as a ringing bell summoned her to sling more plates, “Sorry, gotta dash, order up!”

“Cheaterface,” Magnus mumbled into his mug, “I bet I’ll still win.”

“I’m sure you will dear,” said Julia, patting his arm gently. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're approaching an ending, these two nerds just have to be awkward at each other for a little longer.


	7. Walking Cliches

“Taako I swear to god if you don’t leave him your number, I will,” Lup said, filling sodas as Taako slowly and gently beat his head on the wall.”

“Oh, you’ll leave him your number? When you’re already taken? Barold, I have some bad news for you,” Taako trilled. 

“Is Lup leaving me for someone else you’re too nervous to ask out?” Barry replied disinterestedly, to the tune of Lup’s raucous laughter. 

-

The food was incredible, Kravitz reflected as he subtly tried to look up Taako’s fantasy YouTube channel under the table where Raven and Noelle couldn’t make fun of him for it. He was surprised to see that there were hundreds of videos, from basic knife skill how-to’s to baked alaskas and other dishes involving pastry and fire. He was engrossed in one video in particular when some of the background noise finally filtered in. 

“Kravitz… KRAVITZ… for gods’ sake KRA-VITZ” Noelle was saying, finally having to brush his dreadlocks aside to more effectively yell in his ear. He jerked his head up in shock, barely managing to keep a hold on his phone. 

“Sorry, yes, what?”

“Take your check, you lovestruck moron,” Noelle replied, saying the second half of her sentence just quietly enough to maintain deniability as Kraviz realized that Lup was standing there, holding out a leather check cover with a knowing smirk.    
  
He flushed, took the check, and managed to smile back at Lup and choke out “My compliments to the chef.” 

He regretted saying that as he immediately saw what could only be described as an expression of evil genius briefly flit across her face. 

“You know what, how about you give those compliments yourself,” she said, a command more than a suggestion. 

“Is- should- uh-” Kravitz stammered as he was half-helped and half shoved out of his chair and towards the kitchen. Before they got to the doors, though, Lup stopped them. 

“Look,” she said, sighing, “You don’t actually have to do this. I’m not going to make you go through those doors if you really actually don’t want to.”

Kravitz opened his mouth to respond, and she held up a finger: “I’m not done yet. If you decide you’re not interested, you can walk away and I won’t say another word. I’ll buy Taako Benjamin and Geraldine’s and watch Pretty Woman with him and we’ll all move on. But if you do anything to lead him on, or use him, or…” she sighed again. “Ok, honestly, you seem nice. I doubt you really need to hear that if you hurt my brother I will kill you. What do you say?”

At this point, it was sink or swim, and Kravitz figured that if worst came to worst he’d just never show his face in this part of town again. 

“Do you really think he’s into me?” he asked, chewing on his lower lip. He wasn’t expecting Lup to laugh at that, but she did. 

“You two really are perfect for each other,” she deadpanned, “Now, go get ‘em tiger.” 

With that, she patted Kravitz on the shoulder and went to go lean on her own boyfriend, miming wiping a sentimental tear out of her eye. 

“They grow up so fast, Bar,” she sighed wistfully. Her head was jostled a bit as he chuckled. 

“It’s time for the baby bird to leave the nest,” he managed to reply seriously, wrapping an arm around her shoulders, “The tiny, baby, two minutes younger than you bird.” 

-

When Kravitz poked his head carefully into the kitchen, he immediately spotted Taako. The elf was face-down leaning over a prep counter with his head in his hands, saying ‘stupid, stupid, stupid’ over and over. 

“Uhhh… hi” Kravitz said quietly, trying not to startle him. 

Taako’s head flew up, and Kravitz couldn’t tell if he was startled or mad or worried. He pressed on. 

“Well, actually I mostly wanted to say that your food is amazing, and so I said compliments to the chef and then your sister said I should come tell you in person, and I figured I might as well put all my cards on the table, but like I swear I’m not a freaky stalker or anything but I do think you’re cute and I’d like to get to--” 

Whatever Kravitz was going to say was cut off by Taako throwing himself at him, planting a huge smooch on Kravitz’s very surprised lips. When they separated, Taako buried his head in Kravitz’s shirt, but Kravitz could feel him laughing. 

“Babe, I spent the better part of today trying to hunt down the incredibly cute guy from the alleyway, you do not have to worry about stalking me,” Taako confessed, peeping up at Kravitz to make sure he hadn’t just freaked him out. Kravitz just laughed in surprise. 

“As long as we’re making confessions, I think I have a couple friends who are going to start wolf whistling at me the moment I leave this kitchen.”    
  
“Bubbeleh, I’ve got a whole peanut gallery in the corner booth who are going to do the same….” Taako trailed off, and Kravitz watched as a devious expression snuck over his face. 

“Unless?” Kravitz prompted. 

“Unless we say fuck it and sneak out the back,” Taako grinned, “Since I know for a fact you’re a grade A fence jumper.” 

Kravitz laughed, and ruffled the back of his head, “I guess you would know that.”

“Let’s blow this popsicle stand, baby,” Taako winked, and they disappeared into the shining night, hand in hand. 

-

Closing time had come and gone, the last stragglers had been extracted masterfully from their booths by Lup wielding a mop indiscriminately, and Raven and Noelle had ended up folded into the corner booth. 

“I hate to say it, Julia said with a yawn, “but I think we all owe Killian five dollars.”

Killian whooped in victory, and held out her hand to take contributions. Tallying it up, she grinned.   
  
“Cheese fries were on me tonight,” she said, and waved a wad of five dollar bills in Lup’s direction, “Are they back there sucking face?”

“No,” Lup said, rolling her eyes, “I think they ran away out back so they wouldn’t have to face the third degree from all of us.” 

“Ah well,” Raven said dismissively, mellowed out by two Long Islands, “There’s always tomorrow.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we did it kids :) I stayed as true to canon as I could, with some help from Lup because she's great and I love her. I might follow it up with an epilogue chapter, but this marks the official story end <3 thank you for reading!


End file.
